I am grateful for little girls who turn on the light

We have had a very eventful few weeks over here. Thursday my oldest daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. After a few scary hours in the ER and a few more hard days in the hospital, and a long week of learning and adjusting and recovering, things are almost starting to feel normal again. I thought I would start off with a gratitude list, to help me keep things in perspective.

1. I am grateful my daughter is alive. Without the medical intervention she received last weekend, she wouldn't be.

2. I am grateful that I know her well enough to notice that she was sick, not just in need of an earlier bed time or more water or chapstick. That my husband works crazy long hours so I can stay home and mother my kids all the time. I think it would have taken much longer to notice all of the subtle signs of illness if I only got to see her a few hours before bed.

3. I am grateful for the bathroom light. It woke me up every time she had to get out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, another symptom that would otherwise have gone unnoticed.

4.I am grateful for a school teacher who was willing to allow my daughter to carry water bottles around all day drinking, and then let her go to the bathroom 6 times a day. The water kept her from getting seriously dehydrated those last few days before the diagnosis. And the bathroom monitoring led her to ask for a note from home, asking for permission to go to the bathroom so much. This was one of the things that told me maybe there was something going on- if she needed a doctor's note to go to the bathroom so much, maybe there was a medical reason for the problem.

5. I am grateful for technology. Although WebMD and other google health diagnosis tools can sometimes be dangerous because they lead people to believe they have something they don't or keep sick people from going to the doctor, they can be really useful tools as well. After some quick research before bed, I knew she had all the symptoms for diabetes. That gave me an entire sleepless night (interrupted by a few bathroom lights and a nursing infant) to get used to the idea, so when the doctor delivered the diagnosis, I already knew what she was going to say and didn't have to adjust right there in front of the doctor and could answer some of my daughter's questions on the way to the hospital.

6. I am thankful for quiet answers to prayers. I went to bed the night before unsure about what to do next. I didn't want to take her to the doctor for unnecessary tests or be one of those alarmist moms who thinks its a crisis every time their kid gets a stomach ache or feels tired. But I didn't want to ignore a potentially serious problem. I said a simple prayer asking for guidance and peace when I went to bed that night. I woke up certain that I needed to take her to doctor. I had no doubts that she was very sick, that she was experiencing the onset symptoms of type 1 diabetes, and that we needed to visit the doctor that day. And so I made an appointment, dropped the toddler with a sitter, and picked my girl up from school and we went to the doctor. I felt calm and was able to do it all very matter-of-factly.

7. I am thankful for the Spirit and it's power to calm and strengthen the hearth of a mother who needs to be there for her daughter. When the doctor told me I was handling the news of the diagnosis surprisingly well, I wanted to reply that it was miraculously well- that it was only by Divine intervention that I wasn't falling apart right before her eyes. I wasn't a rock or a robot- I still cried right along with my daughter as soon as the doctor left the room. My voice caught when I had to return to the school and tell her teacher she would not be returning to school that day or the next. I get teary when I make her cry with an unsuccessful finger prick or painful injection. There was a moment in our training when we had to learn to give insulin shots, that my husband and daughter had to leave to go to the restroom at just the right moment, so I could sit alone with the nurse for three minutes and cry my eyes out. But I could pull myself back together in time to do what I had to do.

8. I am grateful for a diagnosis. As much as you hate to be told you have a chronic condition that will require lifelong treatment and lifestyle adjustments, at least we know what is wrong and how to treat it. My sister has been struggling for years with her son. He has something that is affecting his development and motor skills. They know something is wrong but a string of doctors and specialists still can't say what it is or how to treat it. I think I would rather know and be able to move forward. And I am thankful for the vending machine full of chocolate that was a full five minute walk away from our ER room that gave me a chance to walk away for a few minutes when I really needed to.

9. I am grateful for family. I didn't expect to go to the doctor and be told to drive right to the children's hospital two hours away, to be admitted and stay over night. When I left my toddler with her aunt, we both expected it to be for a few hours. When I called and asked her to keep her indefinitely, as well as pick my son up from school, feed them both dinner and just wait to know what was happening, she didn't hesitate to ask how else she could help. She kept them both the following day as well. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have that kind of support network in place. I can't imagine how much harder it would have been if I had to take everyone with me, or to send her on to the hospital alone because I had to be with the other kids, or to have to choose. As soon as we knew we would be late getting home that night, my mother-in-law went straight from her long day of work to my home so my kids could go to sleep on time in their own beds, prepared to stay the night if needed and send them off to school the next morning before going back to work. Then she did it again the next night as well. My mom couldn't be here physically, but she called each to let me know she was thinking about us and praying for us and just to let me talk to someone. My sisters called to check on me, to give me a much needed outlet to just talk to someone while I worried away the hours on my daughter's first day back at school. My older sister is a nurse and also dealing with gestational diabetes- she could empathizee with Lenna and give me tips like how to make the shots hurt a little less and which sugar-free ice cream tastes the most like the real thing.

10. I am grateful we live within driving distance to a nationally-ranked children's hospital that was staffed with pediatric endocrinologists who knew how to stabilize and treat our daughter and educate me and my husband on how to care for her after we left.

11. I am grateful for a hospital full of nurses and staff that are used to working with kids and had my daughter smiling by bedtime, in spite of everything she had just gone through. And that they let me stay the night, even though I had to keep a nursing baby with me.

12. I am grateful for health insurance. So that when we left the hospital with a $9,500 bill and a stack of prescriptions totaling over $400, we didn't have to worry about how to pay for it on top of everything else. We still have a pretty big bill leftover after the insurance paid its share, but at least it is manageable. 

13. I am grateful for Mike's job. So that when I called and said "I'm on the way to the hospital." he only had to tell his supervisor that there was an emergency and was able to leave right away, for as long as he needed, and no one gave him a hard time about it. That they paid him for his time anyway. That he was able to work extra hours the next few weekends to so he didn't have to lose vacation days and earned overtime pay so we could more easily pay the hospital bill.

14. I am grateful to our ward family here who make daily phone calls to tell us they are concerned, offers for babysitting, and for those who bring meals, because "when you are concerned and don't know what to say and want to help and don't know how, you bring food." Thank you for the food.

15. I am grateful to the school nurse who knows what she is doing, for a teacher who lets my daughter eat in class and make up tests she failed while she was sick and didn't know it (but still had fuzzy brain cells from all the sugar) and guidance counselors who take time from their schedule to do presentations to fourth graders about diabetes and blood sugar and the difference between diseases you can catch and those you can't and feature slide shows about little girls with IVs and glucose meters and "nurse buddies" and morning snacks and Halloween party cupcakes.

16. I am grateful for insulin. And glucose meters. And lancing devises. And syringes. Even though I hate them. I am grateful to have them so that my daughter can get better and stay alive and go back to being a kid and worrying about spelling tests and running races and how to make a spaghetti and meatballs costume for Halloween.

17. I am grateful to recipes on the back of graham cracker boxes that can be made with sugar-free pudding and cool whip so that my daughter can make and share and eat dessert and feel normal.

18.I am grateful for nap time.

19. I am grateful to my husband, who is everything I am not. For being strong when I am weak, for being brave when I am scared, for being an advocate when I am intimidated, for being efficient when I am frazzled, for being helpful when I am overwhelmed, for working while I sleep. For bringing food and clean clothes and a toothbrush. For keeping an eye on the forest while I am fretting about the trees. For priesthood blessings.

20. I am grateful for my girl, who never ceases to amaze me with all she can do and be and learn and will become. I am so excited to see her grow up into all that ability and potential. I am grateful for the privilege of being her mother and getting to watch her do it all and maybe come along for the ride sometimes.

21. And she says she is grateful that she never has to fast on Fast Sundays anymore and for sugar-free jell-o and chocolate bars.