I am well aware that my blog posts have been few and far between these past few months. I have a really good long list of excuses that are very valid and believable and safe. I am not going to list them here, because of them would be a lie.
I haven't scrimped on the blogging because my kids are home for the summer and I am too busy having fun with them to type. I haven't been on an extended vacation. My computer and Internet were not destroyed or made temporarily unavailable by our move. I haven't gone on a media fast or adjusted my priorities as far as spending time in front of the screen.
Honestly, I have just been in a bad mood for 5 months. I have been sad and lonely and depressed. I have been anxious and irritable and just plain angry. I have become the living embodiment of the 8th dwarf, Mopey. And I have had nothing good to say. I set a goal to stop posting three-page long whines about how hard it was, so instead I just stopped writing anything at all.
And it has still been hard. My moping and stomping and being angry at people hasn't helped at all! The people I am mad at didn't even notice. And I am pretty sure even if they did, they wouldn't care that I was upset or hurting. And the people I care about have been hurt instead, being stuck with moody mommy and silent sulky wife. Obviously, this isn't working for me.
I am just going to try to choose to not be Mopey anymore. Or at least, write about trying to not be Mopey anymore. Because I think I am a little past just choosing to be happy. I am not going to ignore the fact that my 5 month-long bad mood sits directly on top of our newest addition's first 6 months life, riding about the same time line as the dark time we went through at the arrival of our last baby as well. And things around here look as if they are going to get harder, not easier, and I am going to need all the help I can get. I will swallow my pride and a pill if that will help us come out on the other side in one piece. And if Mopey gets ousted by Happy, that would bonus.
4 comments:
Hang in there, Janet. I'm feeling a bit Mopey myself. It's no fun. But if misery loves company, just know there's a friend out in CA who cares, and I hope Happy gets to you soon. I think you're awesome.
Just chhecking to see if I can comment here.
I am sorry things are so hard! Being a mommy is so exhausting...and sometimes it is hard to cope with life and feel happy. I have been there so many times. It is just hard..I think you are wonderful! Things will get better.
I'm so, so, so, so, sorry. I often wonder why life is just plain hard...why does the darkness of depression come when I should be thrilled to have a baby?
Post a Comment