Into the Wilderness

Today I should be sorting and packing and getting ready for our move, but I am not. After that last post Mike highly encouraged me to not blog after 10PM, lest everyone think our lives are completely miserable here. So  in trying to keep with his advice, I am taking time in the middle of the day to write instead of cleaning out the toy boxes.

I have felt a certain kinship with Sariah of the Book of Mormon lately. Last week for Family Home Evening Andrew chose to tell the story of Lehi's journey into the wilderness as his lesson. He held up his GAK picture and read the story and scripture references on the back. Then we (OK, I) talked about how we could relate the story to our life now.

I have been thinking about the story this week and how it really does relate to my life now. Lehi was told to take his family to a better place, to leave behind all but the most basic of possessions, and to trust the Lord to take care of them and lead them to where he wanted them to be. A few months ago my husband felt prompted to apply for a new job in another state. He got the job, and we are now getting ready to move several states away, leaving behind our home, our friends, and a lot of our belongings, to follow him into another sort of wilderness (really, I will need my own liahona to find my way around for the first few months!), trusting that the Lord will lead us to where he needs us to be and that he will take care of us.

I really, really didn't want to be the supportive wife. I remained noncommittal, I shrugged my shoulders a lot, I dragged my feet, I stuck my head in the sand and ignored upcoming deadlines.

It didn't make sense to me at all- to sell our house when the market is dead, to pull the kids out of a school they love, to leave our friends and ward family, to relocate to a place where the cost of living is nearly doubled, where safe and affordable housing is nearly impossible to find, his commute to work will be hours long and expensive, and take a pay cut on top of it all. Take a step backwards and go from owning our home to renting, from 1500 square feet to 950, to 60 hours work weeks instead of 40. The timing was terrible- we were about to have a baby, the kids were in the middle of school, our house would be hard to sell. In all the lists I made, it just seemed like the worst thing to do.

We moved forward anyway, because when it came right down to it, we knew it was the right thing for our family right now. The Lord didn't leave Sariah and her children to wander alone in the wilderness, he helped them every step of the way, as long as they were willing to listen.

And when I stopped being so stubborn and started praying for help, it came. The start date was two months after baby's arrival. Relocation benefits would cover professional movers to do the packing and moving and cover traveling expenses for all of us. Health and dental benefits were better. We looked outside our original search area and found affordable housing in a good neighborhood across the street from a top-ranked school for the kids, only minutes away from family. The new employer would  pay for Mike's commute on the transit system that stopped just blocks away from our new house. When we ran the numbers again, our budget balanced- even with the pay cut, the cost of living increase, the housing payments for both our old and new houses. It was going to be OK, not easy, but OK.

Of course, what is a journey into the wilderness without a little faith-testing? We are leaving behind our house, unsold, hoping that the realtor will take care of it and get it sold before the savings run out. We are giving away enough furniture to fill a small apartment, but I am grateful that we have enough to spare. I still don't know anyone. My kids will be the new kids at school and have to make some academic adjustments. I am certain I will get hopelessly lost at least a handful of times trying to find the church or the grocery store. And there will be snow in the winter.

I will go anyway. I will be grateful and positive. I will be supportive. And I am determined to like it! After all, I like it here in this place I once thought of as a hot, humid, bug-infested, pollen covered, mess. It can only get better! Maybe the wilderness will turn out to be the promised land.

And now I will go sort the toy boxes.